Of Snow and Shooting Stars
by CrapPishh
Summary: A shooting star... Do you remember? We both made wishes that day, and they both did come true, just that in ways we never expected. For youroctober's fanfic challenge.


Anyone ever tried writing a fic that made you keep crying non-stop throughout the whole writing process? Well yeah, now I have. This little oneshot here is the outcome. Don't blame me; I've been having some emotional problems of late. Yeah well, I ain't going mental, so put down that phone and stop dialing the Woodbridge mental institution hotline number. Yes, I mean now.

This fic was written for youroctober's challenge, of which I didn't expect to get selected for.

Just finished watching the movie 'Sky of Love' last night, and I must say, I loved it so much. It's just so touching. T.T And yeah, I did cry, 'cos it's a sad show. Been crying a lot recently, I guess. Oh well. Nothing wrong with that actually. (:

I know, I know, it's super cliché as always, but some people like that. :X

Andandand, before I forget, this oneshot is dedicated to the following people:

1) JunXian, for being my wonderful inspiration-ist. -winks- :P

2) Ricky, for counselling me when I'm feeling down. Don't emo after reading, please. :X

As usual, read, review, and enjoy. :D

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_A shooting star… you made a wish before, remember, Yuki? Actually we both did, and they came true, though in ways we never expected._

--

It began on that day, on your birthday all those years ago. We went on a date to the snowfields of El Nath, to delight in the clean, white matter that bore your name. You loved snow, I recall, as much as you loved me and I, you. You always loved the way it fluttered down gracefully, how peaceful it seemed, with not a care in the world.

We had been to the fields together many times before; there was nothing that could pose as a danger to us.

That day, you spotted a beautiful flower on a ledge above us and climbed up to have a closer look. It truly was beautiful, with its pale yellow petals and star-like arrangement, standing out amongst the patches of winter grass. Looking back, it may indeed have had been a sight to behold, but it was not worth it. I didn't follow you, thinking you would be safe. Unknowingly, the Hunters' Altar was on that particular ledge, the altar that hunters would offer sacrifices to the Snow Witch in return for safe passage across the danger-fraught mountain. It was a small altar, resting beneath a majestic tree, its branches covered in masses of white, as if sheltering the quaint little stone tablet and its offerings from the elements. From young my parents had warned me to stay away from that place, but it seemed so innocent, so harmless.

You didn't notice the tablet blanketed by a thick layer of snow, nor the offering-plates that littered the area. You innocently walked towards your goal, the flower, disturbing the altar along your way.

It happened all too quickly. They say that 'all hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' but the saying 'all hell hath no fury like a witch's altar disturbed' makes more sense to me. The Witch appeared; bearing a mask of utter rage as she cruelly afflicted you with the curse. She moved like lightning, giving you no time to react. From down below, I only heard you whimper softly before crumpling down onto the ground.

Back in town, the diagnosis was grim. The job instructors, and even Grendel, so it seemed, were stumped. This curse was unheard of; there was no known cure for it. That day, I comforted you as you cried about it, knowing that it would affect your life, as well as mine, forever. The diagnosis hurt me a lot more than it did to you; I blamed myself for it all: it was my fault, I failed to protect you.

That night, I swore to myself that I would stay by you for the rest of our time together, to be with you through it all.

How was I to know that my stubborn resolution would in turn cause you to push blame unto yourself?

The years passed, and the Witch's curse took its toil on you, causing your health to deteriorate relentlessly. I could only watch helplessly as you suffered alone; I hated myself for not being able to ease your pain. My heart was pained with guilt, like a rock was weighing me down, crushing me from the inside. All the time that I was with you, I never thought about how you felt about me doing so much for you; I simply assumed it was the right thing for me to do.

It was only much later when I went through your diary that I realized the emotional pain you went through, blaming yourself for all my sacrifices.

That year as it neared your birthday once again, the doctors revealed that you hadn't much time left. I resolved to make that birthday the best one you ever had, to buy you the best present ever, especially if it were to be your last.

Even after searching the entire El Nath marketplace, I found nothing that could serve as the perfect gift; there was nothing that I could ever buy to make you glad beyond reason.

I know you loved snow, so I thought I would take a stroll in the snowfields, hoping that some stroke of inspiration would come to me. Deep in thought, I walked on and on, and for some reason, I wandered back to that very field, the place that was the root of all our grief.

I don't know what took over me at that point in time. Maybe it was my guilt, my anger, or maybe I was beginning to go crazy, but I climbed the ledge and begun to disturb the altar, just like you had done all those years ago, just that this time, it was intentional.

She instantly materialized in front of me, a scowl on her face as her emotionless eyes drilled into mine.

The Witch questioned me, and wanted an apology; one that I refused. Perhaps I should've done as she commanded, and she might have been more merciful. Instead, I demanded that she lift the curse from Yuki, pouring out all of my hatred at the same time.

As I continued pleading, she merely laughed coldly, ignoring me. When she grew tired, her hands summoned forth bolts of magic, inflicting wound after wound on me. As I bore the pain, I kept crying out to her to grant me my desire, hoping that she would have some pity. Apparently she didn't, however, and continued casting her spells, staining the pure snowfield in a large patch of sorrowful red.

She then disappeared as quickly as she had arrived, leaving me all alone on the ground as the sky began to darken.

I recall that I hadn't been lying there for long when I saw the star whiz overhead. As I thought of you, I felt disgusted with myself. I chided myself all the more for ending up like that, and for failing terribly at what I had set out to do.

Closing my eyes, I made my wish: I wished that you would be eased of all your pain, even if it did cost me my life. Hoping that my wish would be granted, I let the darkness take me away.

The next thing I knew, I was bandaged heavily and lying on a hospital bed, similar to the one you had laid in before. There, I learnt that an adventurer had found me, unconscious and bleeding, and had rushed me to the hospital, the very one you were in.

How I wish that I was never found, that I was left there to die, alone.

It was there that I was also informed, you had gone into a critical condition that night, and desperately needed a mana transfusion to keep your life energy going. That was about the same time that I arrived in the hospital, bleeding my life out and I too, needed the same transfusion. But alas, Fate was cruel; the hospital happened to be running low on its energy mana supply and there was only enough to sustain either one of us.

You were semi-conscious as you lay in bed, hooked up to the machines while you overheard the doctors discussing gravely. You then decided your own fate, drawing your last as you pulled the tube out, cutting off the only thing that was keeping you alive.

You left me, that day, your birthday, in spite of all I tried to do. My goal was to buy you a birthday present and make you happy, a goal that I never managed to achieve. But instead, you gave me a gift that day, a gift that I took so long to realize its true meaning and to appreciate it.

The doctors told me that I should be grateful for being given a chance to live on, and urged me to make the most of it.

But I couldn't. I just couldn't forget you like that. I couldn't forgive myself, for making you suffer, and for ultimately causing you to give up your life for me.

I was depressed, no, devastated, at your death. Remorse and guilt entered and filled my heart, yet there always seemed to be this empty void that nothing could replace. I felt as if a part of me had died along with you, for you were like my life itself.

Necromancy was one of the ways I turned to in my desperation to occupy the gnash in my heart, but like all the others, it didn't work. My life had seemingly no meaning anymore, but whenever I almost strayed away from living, there would seem to be something that held me back. At first I thought that it was merely my guilt, yet now, I think it was you.

A year after your death, I couldn't take it anymore. Though physically I was certified alive, emotionally I wasn't. There was no point in me living anymore, at least not with guilt staining my hands.

Standing on one of the ledges of the El Nath ice mountain, I readied myself for what was coming. Wind fiercely whipped my hair as I looked down at the sharp icicles and jagged rocks lining the mountain slope, thinking that suffering the torture of dying painfully would atone for all my sins and make it up to you. It all seemed so inviting, so welcoming.

At that moment, it began to snow. Not heavily, but simply a flurry of snowflakes, as if a shower of blessings had been released from heaven, as if you were trying to send me a message from up there. Holding out a gloved hand, I watched as a snowflake melted gracefully on it. Soon, both my hands were extended as I gazed upwards, at the sun shining brightly. A kaleidoscope of colours enveloped me as the realization hit me, gently.

You loved snow, and that was why we had agreed to visit the snowfields that day. Being out in the white matter, that brought you joy.

It was then I remembered the wish you had made before going into critical condition, the wish that the nurses had related to me while I reeled in from shock after being given the news.

That night, as you watched the star glide across the vast expanse of night sky, you had wished for me to live on happily without you by my side, because the only reason you thought I remained with you for was my sense of responsibility, not my love for you. You would never have wanted me to punish myself this way, to blame myself for your death, not after you exchanged your life so willingly for mine. Didn't I wish for the pain to leave you, even if it meant dying myself?

A sudden howl of wind then invaded my thoughts, reminding me of where I stood. I took another look down, at the beautiful swords of ice and uneven stone structures. Then, stepping away from the edge, I turned and walked away, thus dismissing whatever thoughts I ever had of ending my life then.

--

_I know I didn't manage to buy you a final birthday present, but I gave you one, and that is, I finally fulfilled your wish, even though it took me such a long time to understand it. You had sacrificed your life to give me mine, and give me greater reason to live. So I will live on, for both of us: me physically, and you, in my heart and in my memories._

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A/N: Ah yes, for those that don't know, Yuki means snow in Japanese.


End file.
